Sunday, August 30, 2009

The Hammock

I believe everyone should have a special place that allows them to sit and reflect on their lives. For me this is my hammock. I have a special place in my back yard that I built myself. I planted the grass, built the planters and bought the hammock. My mother gave me some solar string lights to hang in my tree and the ambiance was created. I will swing with my daughter on warm summer days and we cuddle in a blanket on cool fall days. This is our special place where questions are asked, stories are told, jokes are made and songs are sung. But one quiet night I stopped and watched my daughter sleep.

  This particular evening was warm, no breeze to encourage the night air to caress us as we lay in the hammock under the stars. I am hot with her laying by my side, but prayed the moment would not end. She is asleep and I revel in the silence. A day filled with firsts has taken so much out of her. I imagine that the dreams filling her mind are full of color and memories of the day. The roar of the crowd as she ran down field in her bright purple uniform. The cool splash of mud up her back or the chill of that first drink of ice water as she sits on the side line. I wish I could share them again with her. But I know they are her memories and when she wakes I will be the first one she tells.
  I am the one she seeks when she wakes. Even at the age of 4 she still harbors a sense of panic when she can't find me right away. But the look on her face when she walks into the living room and spots me in my chair never changes. Her eyes fill with joy and her legs can't help but run to me. Though her fears are unnesceary, I dont' want it to end. I know this is selfish of me but it fills me with a sense of worth. I know at this moment that I am complete.